literature

Home is where

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Jessie looked around the empty shuttle bay in confusion.  She turned to Buzz who was facing away from her, agitatedly working one of the key pads.  “What are we doin’ here?”

“You’re going home.  I have a shuttle arranged; it appears to be running late.”

“Home?  Whad’ya mean ‘home’?  Buzz…what in tarnation is wrong?”

He finally looked at her, his face revealing the struggle of emotions.  “What’s wrong?  What’s wrong is that you…” he sighed.  “You’re wild and free and you should be where there are open fields.  I can’t offer that to you, Jessie.  I can’t offer you any of that; what I can offer is confinement and you deserve better.”

“Buzz…”

He shook his head and stepped away from her outstretched arm, “Go home, Jessie.”  His gaze dropped and he all but fled the bay, letting the doors close behind him.

Jessie took a shaky breath, sinking onto one of the nearby crates.  She pulled at her braid as she tried to sort through what just took place.  She stood with the intention of running after Buzz but just as quickly changed her mind and, instead, began pacing around the bay.  Her mind whirled; Buzz had seemed slightly strained since their visit to Earth, but that had coincided with the start of a massive system upgrade and he had been constantly muttering at the computer screen.  Could there be someone else? Jessie dismissed that idea as soon as she had thought of it; she had known Buzz for too long.  But something had changed, that much was certain.  

Time crawled by as Jessie pondered over the cause of Buzz’s actions.  She had moved to Star Command over a year before to be with him, leaving her father, brother and the family horse ranch behind.  It had been a rough transition initially; she would be the first to admit that, however the struggles were always made small when she would find Buzz smiling at her or when they could spend time together.  It had only been recently that they were able to make a visit back to the ranch.  Jessie thought Buzz had enjoyed the visit; he had taken to ranch work like the proverbial fish to water.  A smile crossed her face as she recalled the awe on his face when he saw the wild mustangs that inhabited the land.  Her smile slipped as his words echoed back to her and she realized what he had been saying.  It ain’t that he doesn’t want me around; he thinks I’m unhappy here!  Another memory involving the wild horses sprung to mind just as a shuttle pulled into the bay.  She stood as a crewman stepped out of the vehicle.

“Sorry for the delay, ma’am; mechanical issues.  Everything is all fixed, now, not to worry.  Ready to go?”

Jessie nodded, “Yes, I am.”  With that she turned and hurried out of the shuttle bay.  It was late and the corridors were all but empty as she ran to Buzz’s quarters.  She slowed as she reached his door, pausing to calm her breathing.  The doors slid open with a soft hiss and she stepped into the darkened room. Well, if he ain’t here, I’ll just wait for him.  Just as she was about to sit down, she heard stirrings from the bedroom.  Slipping off her boots, she padded softly to the doorway.  Buzz was asleep, curled towards her side of the bed.  His face was pressed hard into her pillow and in the faint glow of the nightlight, Jessie could make out the silvery-white flecks of dried tears on his cheek.  

Swallowing a lump in her throat, she crossed the room and slid onto the bed, pressing her cheek against Buzz’s shoulder as she draped her arm around his waist.  In his sleep, he turned towards her, his hand coming to rest heavily on her hip.  Her eyes closed, relishing the feeling of his touch.  Buzz came to consciousness and gave such a start that Jessie pushed herself backwards and would have toppled over the edge had it not been for Buzz's quick reflexes.  He did not remove his hand from her waist, but kept her at arm's length, staring at her for a long time before he could finally whisper the word, "Why?"

"Because you were wrong.  You said that you had nothing to offer me, but that's not true.  Everything I need, everything I could want is right here," she pressed her hand against his chest.

"But Earth...the ranch...you belong there."  He struggled to say the words, as if each syllable shot pain through his body.

"The ranch'll always be home, but it's not where I belong. You're where I belong, Buzz, an' unless I miss my mark, I think you know that, too."

Without a word, Buzz cupped her face in his hands and kissed her repeatedly.  Jessie reciprocated happily and the series left them both breathless several minutes later.  Buzz pulled her against him and buried his face in her hair.  “I’m sorry,” he murmured repeatedly.

Jessie leaned back, placing her fingertips over his lips.  “Shhh.”

“No, Jessie; you have to understand.  Remember when we were watching those wild horses and you said it would be criminal to try and break their spirit?  Well, I saw how happy you were when we were on the ranch and I just couldn’t see that happiness for you here.  There’s nothing like that kind of work here and I know you’ve been trying to fit in, but all I could think of is how unhappy you must be.  I couldn’t bear that thought, knowing I would be at the root of it.”  He brushed fingers through her hair, “When I left the shuttle bay, I ran as fast I could because I knew if I didn’t, or if I heard you calling after me, I wouldn’t have had the strength to go through with the whole thing.  When I got back here, I broke down.  I tried to take comfort from the belief that you probably hated me, although that didn’t help much.”

“You big galoot,” she scolded him gently.  “O’course I don’t hate you.  In fact,” she snuggled against his chest, “if I didn’t already know you love me, I’d be more sure of it.”

“How did you arrive at that conclusion?  Not that you’re wrong, but still, it’s not exactly a straight-forward deduction.”

She smiled, “When Woody was about ten or eleven, he was enamored by one of the wild mustang stallions.  Easy to see why; it was a beautiful horse with such a wild spirit.  Woody managed to lure him in, but the horse was not the same.  He didn’t get wilder, and his spirit wasn’t broken, you could tell that much; but he was despondent.  He ate, let Woody lead him to the pasture, but there was no joy in him like there was before.  After a week, Dad and I found Woody in the stables, cryin’ his eyes out over the horse.  He couldn’t understand why it had gone all wrong.  I remember Dad sayin’ to him that the horse should be returned to the wild.  Woody took that hard; ‘but I love him’, he said.  And Dad told him somethin’ I’ll never forget.  He told Woody that lovin’ something didn’t mean you had to own it or call it your own.  Sometimes it meant letting that thing be what it was, even if it also meant that you lost it in the process.”  She lifted her head, smiling at Buzz this time, “So ya see?  That’s how I knew you loved me, because that’s what you were tryin’ to do.  But there’s-”  A beeping sound interrupted, floating in from the main sitting area.

Buzz sat up, “Better get that.  Hang on.”  He leaned over the desk to the video display that read “incoming call” and pressed the receive button.  Woody’s face filtered onto the screen.

“Howdy, Buzz.  Sorry to call, and this is going to be really awkward, but I think something went wrong with Jessie’s shuttle.  They said it was delayed, but now it’s not showing up at all and I was just wondering if you could check to see what was going on.  I’m kinda worried.”

Buzz smiled, “It’s all right, cowboy.  There’s been a change of plans.”

“Oh?  What would that be?”

Jessie propped her head suddenly on Buzz’s shoulder, “I ain’t comin’.”

“Jessie!”  Woody blinked, “Okay, I’m confused, but honestly?  I’m glad you’re not on your way here.”

“What?  Don’t you want your sister back at home,” she teased, wrapping her arms around Buzz’s waist.

He laughed, “Not particularly; at least, not in the way it was going to happen.”

Buzz cast a glance at Jessie, “Woody wasn’t exactly pleased when I told him what I was planning on doing.”

“Can’t blame me.  Well, Buzz, you’re not often proven wrong, but I’m glad I got to see it happen again,” Woody grinned.  “It must be late there.  I’ll let you get back to bed…or whatever.”  He winked broadly and terminated the call.

Buzz turned in Jessie’s arms, letting his own fall around her.  “What were you saying, after how you knew I loved you?”

“Oh;  I was saying that there’s something I have that the mustang didn’t.”

“What’s that?” Buzz asked, his voice warm with emotion.

“A choice.”  Jessie’s lower lip trembled slightly, “I have a say in where I end up in this life, and I ain’t gonna let you send me away.”

He leaned down, kissing her tenderly.  “I promise I’ll never try it again.”
I'm a sucker for reunion scenes.  Also?  It felt darn good to actual write something after months of not being able to do so.

Jessie, Buzz, and Woody all belong to Disney/Pixar.  I just get to play with them :)
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